Reading Help Gulliver's Travels. Part II, III, IV
punishment, and a thousand other things, had no terms wherein that `
` language could express them, which made the difficulty almost `
` insuperable, to give my master any conception of what I meant. But `
` being of an excellent understanding, much improved by contemplation `
` and converse, he at last arrived at a competent knowledge of what `
` human nature, in our parts of the world, is capable to perform, and `
` desired I would give him some particular account of that land which `
` we call Europe, but especially of my own country. `
` `
` `
` `
` CHAPTER V. `
` `
` `
` `
` [The author at his master's command, informs him of the state of `
` England. The causes of war among the princes of Europe. The author `
` begins to explain the English constitution.] `
` `
` The reader may please to observe, that the following extract of `
` many conversations I had with my master, contains a summary of the `
` most material points which were discoursed at several times for `
` above two years; his honour often desiring fuller satisfaction, as `
` I farther improved in the Houyhnhnm tongue. I laid before him, as `
` well as I could, the whole state of Europe; I discoursed of trade `
` and manufactures, of arts and sciences; and the answers I gave to `
` all the questions he made, as they arose upon several subjects, `
` were a fund of conversation not to be exhausted. But I shall here `
` only set down the substance of what passed between us concerning my `
` own country, reducing it in order as well as I can, without any `
` regard to time or other circumstances, while I strictly adhere to `
` truth. My only concern is, that I shall hardly be able to do `
` justice to my master's arguments and expressions, which must needs `
` suffer by my want of capacity, as well as by a translation into our `
` barbarous English. `
` `
` In obedience, therefore, to his honour's commands, I related to him `
` the Revolution under the Prince of Orange; the long war with `
` France, entered into by the said prince, and renewed by his `
` successor, the present queen, wherein the greatest powers of `
` Christendom were engaged, and which still continued: I computed, `
` at his request, "that about a million of Yahoos might have been `
` killed in the whole progress of it; and perhaps a hundred or more `
` cities taken, and five times as many ships burnt or sunk." `
` `
` He asked me, "what were the usual causes or motives that made one `
` country go to war with another?" I answered "they were `
` innumerable; but I should only mention a few of the chief. `
` Sometimes the ambition of princes, who never think they have land `
` or people enough to govern; sometimes the corruption of ministers, `
` who engage their master in a war, in order to stifle or divert the `
` clamour of the subjects against their evil administration. `
` Difference in opinions has cost many millions of lives: for `
` instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh; whether the `
` juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether whistling be a `
` vice or a virtue; whether it be better to kiss a post, or throw it `
` into the fire; what is the best colour for a coat, whether black, `
` white, red, or gray; and whether it should be long or short, narrow `
` or wide, dirty or clean; with many more. Neither are any wars so `
` furious and bloody, or of so long a continuance, as those `
` occasioned by difference in opinion, especially if it be in things `
` indifferent. `
` `
` "Sometimes the quarrel between two princes is to decide which of `
` them shall dispossess a third of his dominions, where neither of `
` them pretend to any right. Sometimes one prince quarrels with `
` another for fear the other should quarrel with him. Sometimes a `
` war is entered upon, because the enemy is too strong; and `
` sometimes, because he is too weak. Sometimes our neighbours want `
` the things which we have, or have the things which we want, and we `
` both fight, till they take ours, or give us theirs. It is a very `
` justifiable cause of a war, to invade a country after the people `
` have been wasted by famine, destroyed by pestilence, or embroiled `
` by factions among themselves. It is justifiable to enter into war `
` against our nearest ally, when one of his towns lies convenient for `
` us, or a territory of land, that would render our dominions round `
` and complete. If a prince sends forces into a nation, where the `
` people are poor and ignorant, he may lawfully put half of them to `
` death, and make slaves of the rest, in order to civilize and reduce `
` them from their barbarous way of living. It is a very kingly, `
` honourable, and frequent practice, when one prince desires the `
` assistance of another, to secure him against an invasion, that the `
` assistant, when he has driven out the invader, should seize on the `
` dominions himself, and kill, imprison, or banish, the prince he `
` came to relieve. Alliance by blood, or marriage, is a frequent `
` cause of war between princes; and the nearer the kindred is, the `
` greater their disposition to quarrel; poor nations are hungry, and `
` rich nations are proud; and pride and hunger will ever be at `
` variance. For these reasons, the trade of a soldier is held the `
` most honourable of all others; because a soldier is a Yahoo hired `
` to kill, in cold blood, as many of his own species, who have never `
` offended him, as possibly he can. `
` `
` "There is likewise a kind of beggarly princes in Europe, not able `
` to make war by themselves, who hire out their troops to richer `
` nations, for so much a day to each man; of which they keep three- `
` fourths to themselves, and it is the best part of their `
` maintenance: such are those in many northern parts of Europe." `
` `
` "What you have told me," said my master, "upon the subject of war, `
` does indeed discover most admirably the effects of that reason you `
` pretend to: however, it is happy that the shame is greater than `
` the danger; and that nature has left you utterly incapable of doing `
` much mischief. For, your mouths lying flat with your faces, you `
` can hardly bite each other to any purpose, unless by consent. Then `
` as to the claws upon your feet before and behind, they are so short `
` and tender, that one of our Yahoos would drive a dozen of yours `
` before him. And therefore, in recounting the numbers of those who `
` have been killed in battle, I cannot but think you have said the `
` thing which is not." `
` `
` I could not forbear shaking my head, and smiling a little at his `
` ignorance. And being no stranger to the art of war, I gave him a `
` description of cannons, culverins, muskets, carabines, pistols, `
` bullets, powder, swords, bayonets, battles, sieges, retreats, `
` attacks, undermines, countermines, bombardments, sea fights, ships `
` sunk with a thousand men, twenty thousand killed on each side, `
` dying groans, limbs flying in the air, smoke, noise, confusion, `
` trampling to death under horses' feet, flight, pursuit, victory; `
` fields strewed with carcases, left for food to dogs and wolves and `
` birds of prey; plundering, stripping, ravishing, burning, and `
` destroying. And to set forth the valour of my own dear countrymen, `
` I assured him, "that I had seen them blow up a hundred enemies at `
` once in a siege, and as many in a ship, and beheld the dead bodies `
` drop down in pieces from the clouds, to the great diversion of the `
` spectators." `
` `
` I was going on to more particulars, when my master commanded me `
` silence. He said, "whoever understood the nature of Yahoos, might `
` easily believe it possible for so vile an animal to be capable of `
` every action I had named, if their strength and cunning equalled `
` their malice. But as my discourse had increased his abhorrence of `
` the whole species, so he found it gave him a disturbance in his `
` mind to which he was wholly a stranger before. He thought his `
` ears, being used to such abominable words, might, by degrees, admit `
` them with less detestation: that although he hated the Yahoos of `
` this country, yet he no more blamed them for their odious `
` qualities, than he did a gnnayh (a bird of prey) for its cruelty, `
` or a sharp stone for cutting his hoof. But when a creature `
` pretending to reason could be capable of such enormities, he `
` dreaded lest the corruption of that faculty might be worse than `
` brutality itself. He seemed therefore confident, that, instead of `
` reason we were only possessed of some quality fitted to increase `
` our natural vices; as the reflection from a troubled stream returns `
` the image of an ill shapen body, not only larger but more `
` distorted." `
` `
` He added, "that he had heard too much upon the subject of war, both `
` in this and some former discourses. There was another point, which `
` a little perplexed him at present. I had informed him, that some `
` of our crew left their country on account of being ruined by law; `
` that I had already explained the meaning of the word; but he was at `
` a loss how it should come to pass, that the law, which was intended `
` for every man's preservation, should be any man's ruin. Therefore `
` he desired to be further satisfied what I meant by law, and the `
` dispensers thereof, according to the present practice in my own `
` country; because he thought nature and reason were sufficient `
` guides for a reasonable animal, as we pretended to be, in showing `
` us what he ought to do, and what to avoid." `
` `
` I assured his honour, "that the law was a science in which I had `
` not much conversed, further than by employing advocates, in vain, `
` upon some injustices that had been done me: however, I would give `
` him all the satisfaction I was able." `
` `
` I said, "there was a society of men among us, bred up from their `
` youth in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, `
` that white is black, and black is white, according as they are `
` paid. To this society all the rest of the people are slaves. For `
` example, if my neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to `
` prove that he ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire `
` another to defend my right, it being against all rules of law that `
` any man should be allowed to speak for himself. Now, in this case, `
` I, who am the right owner, lie under two great disadvantages: `
` first, my lawyer, being practised almost from his cradle in `
` defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he would be `
` an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural office he always `
` attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The second `
` disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution, or `
` else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his `
` brethren, as one that would lessen the practice of the law. And `
` therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, `
` to gain over my adversary's lawyer with a double fee, who will then `
` betray his client by insinuating that he hath justice on his side. `
` The second way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust `
` as he can, by allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and `
` this, if it be skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of `
` the bench. Now your honour is to know, that these judges are `
` persons appointed to decide all controversies of property, as well `
` as for the trial of criminals, and picked out from the most `
` dexterous lawyers, who are grown old or lazy; and having been `
` biassed all their lives against truth and equity, lie under such a `
` fatal necessity of favouring fraud, perjury, and oppression, that I `
` have known some of them refuse a large bribe from the side where `
` justice lay, rather than injure the faculty, by doing any thing `
` unbecoming their nature or their office. `
` `
` "It is a maxim among these lawyers that whatever has been done `
` before, may legally be done again: and therefore they take special `
` care to record all the decisions formerly made against common `
` justice, and the general reason of mankind. These, under the name `
`
` language could express them, which made the difficulty almost `
` insuperable, to give my master any conception of what I meant. But `
` being of an excellent understanding, much improved by contemplation `
` and converse, he at last arrived at a competent knowledge of what `
` human nature, in our parts of the world, is capable to perform, and `
` desired I would give him some particular account of that land which `
` we call Europe, but especially of my own country. `
` `
` `
` `
` CHAPTER V. `
` `
` `
` `
` [The author at his master's command, informs him of the state of `
` England. The causes of war among the princes of Europe. The author `
` begins to explain the English constitution.] `
` `
` The reader may please to observe, that the following extract of `
` many conversations I had with my master, contains a summary of the `
` most material points which were discoursed at several times for `
` above two years; his honour often desiring fuller satisfaction, as `
` I farther improved in the Houyhnhnm tongue. I laid before him, as `
` well as I could, the whole state of Europe; I discoursed of trade `
` and manufactures, of arts and sciences; and the answers I gave to `
` all the questions he made, as they arose upon several subjects, `
` were a fund of conversation not to be exhausted. But I shall here `
` only set down the substance of what passed between us concerning my `
` own country, reducing it in order as well as I can, without any `
` regard to time or other circumstances, while I strictly adhere to `
` truth. My only concern is, that I shall hardly be able to do `
` justice to my master's arguments and expressions, which must needs `
` suffer by my want of capacity, as well as by a translation into our `
` barbarous English. `
` `
` In obedience, therefore, to his honour's commands, I related to him `
` the Revolution under the Prince of Orange; the long war with `
` France, entered into by the said prince, and renewed by his `
` successor, the present queen, wherein the greatest powers of `
` Christendom were engaged, and which still continued: I computed, `
` at his request, "that about a million of Yahoos might have been `
` killed in the whole progress of it; and perhaps a hundred or more `
` cities taken, and five times as many ships burnt or sunk." `
` `
` He asked me, "what were the usual causes or motives that made one `
` country go to war with another?" I answered "they were `
` innumerable; but I should only mention a few of the chief. `
` Sometimes the ambition of princes, who never think they have land `
` or people enough to govern; sometimes the corruption of ministers, `
` who engage their master in a war, in order to stifle or divert the `
` clamour of the subjects against their evil administration. `
` Difference in opinions has cost many millions of lives: for `
` instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh; whether the `
` juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether whistling be a `
` vice or a virtue; whether it be better to kiss a post, or throw it `
` into the fire; what is the best colour for a coat, whether black, `
` white, red, or gray; and whether it should be long or short, narrow `
` or wide, dirty or clean; with many more. Neither are any wars so `
` furious and bloody, or of so long a continuance, as those `
` occasioned by difference in opinion, especially if it be in things `
` indifferent. `
` `
` "Sometimes the quarrel between two princes is to decide which of `
` them shall dispossess a third of his dominions, where neither of `
` them pretend to any right. Sometimes one prince quarrels with `
` another for fear the other should quarrel with him. Sometimes a `
` war is entered upon, because the enemy is too strong; and `
` sometimes, because he is too weak. Sometimes our neighbours want `
` the things which we have, or have the things which we want, and we `
` both fight, till they take ours, or give us theirs. It is a very `
` justifiable cause of a war, to invade a country after the people `
` have been wasted by famine, destroyed by pestilence, or embroiled `
` by factions among themselves. It is justifiable to enter into war `
` against our nearest ally, when one of his towns lies convenient for `
` us, or a territory of land, that would render our dominions round `
` and complete. If a prince sends forces into a nation, where the `
` people are poor and ignorant, he may lawfully put half of them to `
` death, and make slaves of the rest, in order to civilize and reduce `
` them from their barbarous way of living. It is a very kingly, `
` honourable, and frequent practice, when one prince desires the `
` assistance of another, to secure him against an invasion, that the `
` assistant, when he has driven out the invader, should seize on the `
` dominions himself, and kill, imprison, or banish, the prince he `
` came to relieve. Alliance by blood, or marriage, is a frequent `
` cause of war between princes; and the nearer the kindred is, the `
` greater their disposition to quarrel; poor nations are hungry, and `
` rich nations are proud; and pride and hunger will ever be at `
` variance. For these reasons, the trade of a soldier is held the `
` most honourable of all others; because a soldier is a Yahoo hired `
` to kill, in cold blood, as many of his own species, who have never `
` offended him, as possibly he can. `
` `
` "There is likewise a kind of beggarly princes in Europe, not able `
` to make war by themselves, who hire out their troops to richer `
` nations, for so much a day to each man; of which they keep three- `
` fourths to themselves, and it is the best part of their `
` maintenance: such are those in many northern parts of Europe." `
` `
` "What you have told me," said my master, "upon the subject of war, `
` does indeed discover most admirably the effects of that reason you `
` pretend to: however, it is happy that the shame is greater than `
` the danger; and that nature has left you utterly incapable of doing `
` much mischief. For, your mouths lying flat with your faces, you `
` can hardly bite each other to any purpose, unless by consent. Then `
` as to the claws upon your feet before and behind, they are so short `
` and tender, that one of our Yahoos would drive a dozen of yours `
` before him. And therefore, in recounting the numbers of those who `
` have been killed in battle, I cannot but think you have said the `
` thing which is not." `
` `
` I could not forbear shaking my head, and smiling a little at his `
` ignorance. And being no stranger to the art of war, I gave him a `
` description of cannons, culverins, muskets, carabines, pistols, `
` bullets, powder, swords, bayonets, battles, sieges, retreats, `
` attacks, undermines, countermines, bombardments, sea fights, ships `
` sunk with a thousand men, twenty thousand killed on each side, `
` dying groans, limbs flying in the air, smoke, noise, confusion, `
` trampling to death under horses' feet, flight, pursuit, victory; `
` fields strewed with carcases, left for food to dogs and wolves and `
` birds of prey; plundering, stripping, ravishing, burning, and `
` destroying. And to set forth the valour of my own dear countrymen, `
` I assured him, "that I had seen them blow up a hundred enemies at `
` once in a siege, and as many in a ship, and beheld the dead bodies `
` drop down in pieces from the clouds, to the great diversion of the `
` spectators." `
` `
` I was going on to more particulars, when my master commanded me `
` silence. He said, "whoever understood the nature of Yahoos, might `
` easily believe it possible for so vile an animal to be capable of `
` every action I had named, if their strength and cunning equalled `
` their malice. But as my discourse had increased his abhorrence of `
` the whole species, so he found it gave him a disturbance in his `
` mind to which he was wholly a stranger before. He thought his `
` ears, being used to such abominable words, might, by degrees, admit `
` them with less detestation: that although he hated the Yahoos of `
` this country, yet he no more blamed them for their odious `
` qualities, than he did a gnnayh (a bird of prey) for its cruelty, `
` or a sharp stone for cutting his hoof. But when a creature `
` pretending to reason could be capable of such enormities, he `
` dreaded lest the corruption of that faculty might be worse than `
` brutality itself. He seemed therefore confident, that, instead of `
` reason we were only possessed of some quality fitted to increase `
` our natural vices; as the reflection from a troubled stream returns `
` the image of an ill shapen body, not only larger but more `
` distorted." `
` `
` He added, "that he had heard too much upon the subject of war, both `
` in this and some former discourses. There was another point, which `
` a little perplexed him at present. I had informed him, that some `
` of our crew left their country on account of being ruined by law; `
` that I had already explained the meaning of the word; but he was at `
` a loss how it should come to pass, that the law, which was intended `
` for every man's preservation, should be any man's ruin. Therefore `
` he desired to be further satisfied what I meant by law, and the `
` dispensers thereof, according to the present practice in my own `
` country; because he thought nature and reason were sufficient `
` guides for a reasonable animal, as we pretended to be, in showing `
` us what he ought to do, and what to avoid." `
` `
` I assured his honour, "that the law was a science in which I had `
` not much conversed, further than by employing advocates, in vain, `
` upon some injustices that had been done me: however, I would give `
` him all the satisfaction I was able." `
` `
` I said, "there was a society of men among us, bred up from their `
` youth in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, `
` that white is black, and black is white, according as they are `
` paid. To this society all the rest of the people are slaves. For `
` example, if my neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to `
` prove that he ought to have my cow from me. I must then hire `
` another to defend my right, it being against all rules of law that `
` any man should be allowed to speak for himself. Now, in this case, `
` I, who am the right owner, lie under two great disadvantages: `
` first, my lawyer, being practised almost from his cradle in `
` defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he would be `
` an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural office he always `
` attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The second `
` disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution, or `
` else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his `
` brethren, as one that would lessen the practice of the law. And `
` therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, `
` to gain over my adversary's lawyer with a double fee, who will then `
` betray his client by insinuating that he hath justice on his side. `
` The second way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust `
` as he can, by allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and `
` this, if it be skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of `
` the bench. Now your honour is to know, that these judges are `
` persons appointed to decide all controversies of property, as well `
` as for the trial of criminals, and picked out from the most `
` dexterous lawyers, who are grown old or lazy; and having been `
` biassed all their lives against truth and equity, lie under such a `
` fatal necessity of favouring fraud, perjury, and oppression, that I `
` have known some of them refuse a large bribe from the side where `
` justice lay, rather than injure the faculty, by doing any thing `
` unbecoming their nature or their office. `
` `
` "It is a maxim among these lawyers that whatever has been done `
` before, may legally be done again: and therefore they take special `
` care to record all the decisions formerly made against common `
` justice, and the general reason of mankind. These, under the name `
`