Reading Help Gulliver's Travels. Part II, III, IV
justice, and the general reason of mankind. These, under the name `
` of precedents, they produce as authorities to justify the most `
` iniquitous opinions; and the judges never fail of directing `
` accordingly. `
` `
` "In pleading, they studiously avoid entering into the merits of the `
` cause; but are loud, violent, and tedious, in dwelling upon all `
` circumstances which are not to the purpose. For instance, in the `
` case already mentioned; they never desire to know what claim or `
` title my adversary has to my cow; but whether the said cow were red `
` or black; her horns long or short; whether the field I graze her in `
` be round or square; whether she was milked at home or abroad; what `
` diseases she is subject to, and the like; after which they consult `
` precedents, adjourn the cause from time to time, and in ten, `
` twenty, or thirty years, come to an issue. `
` `
` "It is likewise to be observed, that this society has a peculiar `
` cant and jargon of their own, that no other mortal can understand, `
` and wherein all their laws are written, which they take special `
` care to multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very `
` essence of truth and falsehood, of right and wrong; so that it will `
` take thirty years to decide, whether the field left me by my `
` ancestors for six generations belongs to me, or to a stranger three `
` hundred miles off. `
` `
` "In the trial of persons accused for crimes against the state, the `
` method is much more short and commendable: the judge first sends `
` to sound the disposition of those in power, after which he can `
` easily hang or save a criminal, strictly preserving all due forms `
` of law." `
` `
` Here my master interposing, said, "it was a pity, that creatures `
` endowed with such prodigious abilities of mind, as these lawyers, `
` by the description I gave of them, must certainly be, were not `
` rather encouraged to be instructors of others in wisdom and `
` knowledge." In answer to which I assured his honour, "that in all `
` points out of their own trade, they were usually the most ignorant `
` and stupid generation among us, the most despicable in common `
` conversation, avowed enemies to all knowledge and learning, and `
` equally disposed to pervert the general reason of mankind in every `
` other subject of discourse as in that of their own profession." `
` `
` `
` `
` CHAPTER VI. `
` `
` `
` `
` [A continuation of the state of England under Queen Anne. The `
` character of a first minister of state in European courts.] `
` `
` My master was yet wholly at a loss to understand what motives could `
` incite this race of lawyers to perplex, disquiet, and weary `
` themselves, and engage in a confederacy of injustice, merely for `
` the sake of injuring their fellow-animals; neither could he `
` comprehend what I meant in saying, they did it for hire. Whereupon `
` I was at much pains to describe to him the use of money, the `
` materials it was made of, and the value of the metals; "that when a `
` Yahoo had got a great store of this precious substance, he was able `
` to purchase whatever he had a mind to; the finest clothing, the `
` noblest houses, great tracts of land, the most costly meats and `
` drinks, and have his choice of the most beautiful females. `
` Therefore since money alone was able to perform all these feats, `
` our Yahoos thought they could never have enough of it to spend, or `
` to save, as they found themselves inclined, from their natural bent `
` either to profusion or avarice; that the rich man enjoyed the fruit `
` of the poor man's labour, and the latter were a thousand to one in `
` proportion to the former; that the bulk of our people were forced `
` to live miserably, by labouring every day for small wages, to make `
` a few live plentifully." `
` `
` I enlarged myself much on these, and many other particulars to the `
` same purpose; but his honour was still to seek; for he went upon a `
` supposition, that all animals had a title to their share in the `
` productions of the earth, and especially those who presided over `
` the rest. Therefore he desired I would let him know, "what these `
` costly meats were, and how any of us happened to want them?" `
` Whereupon I enumerated as many sorts as came into my head, with the `
` various methods of dressing them, which could not be done without `
` sending vessels by sea to every part of the world, as well for `
` liquors to drink as for sauces and innumerable other conveniences. `
` I assured him "that this whole globe of earth must be at least `
` three times gone round before one of our better female Yahoos could `
` get her breakfast, or a cup to put it in." He said "that must `
` needs be a miserable country which cannot furnish food for its own `
` inhabitants. But what he chiefly wondered at was, how such vast `
` tracts of ground as I described should be wholly without fresh `
` water, and the people put to the necessity of sending over the sea `
` for drink." I replied "that England (the dear place of my `
` nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food `
` more than its inhabitants are able to consume, as well as liquors `
` extracted from grain, or pressed out of the fruit of certain trees, `
` which made excellent drink, and the same proportion in every other `
` convenience of life. But, in order to feed the luxury and `
` intemperance of the males, and the vanity of the females, we sent `
` away the greatest part of our necessary things to other countries, `
` whence, in return, we brought the materials of diseases, folly, and `
` vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of necessity, `
` that vast numbers of our people are compelled to seek their `
` livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, pimping, `
` flattering, suborning, forswearing, forging, gaming, lying, `
` fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, star-gazing, poisoning, `
` whoring, canting, libelling, freethinking, and the like `
` occupations:" every one of which terms I was at much pains to make `
` him understand. `
` `
` "That wine was not imported among us from foreign countries to `
` supply the want of water or other drinks, but because it was a sort `
` of liquid which made us merry by putting us out of our senses, `
` diverted all melancholy thoughts, begat wild extravagant `
` imaginations in the brain, raised our hopes and banished our fears, `
` suspended every office of reason for a time, and deprived us of the `
` use of our limbs, till we fell into a profound sleep; although it `
` must be confessed, that we always awaked sick and dispirited; and `
` that the use of this liquor filled us with diseases which made our `
` lives uncomfortable and short. `
` `
` "But beside all this, the bulk of our people supported themselves `
` by furnishing the necessities or conveniences of life to the rich `
` and to each other. For instance, when I am at home, and dressed as `
` I ought to be, I carry on my body the workmanship of a hundred `
` tradesmen; the building and furniture of my house employ as many `
` more, and five times the number to adorn my wife." `
` `
` I was going on to tell him of another sort of people, who get their `
` livelihood by attending the sick, having, upon some occasions, `
` informed his honour that many of my crew had died of diseases. But `
` here it was with the utmost difficulty that I brought him to `
` apprehend what I meant. "He could easily conceive, that a `
` Houyhnhnm, grew weak and heavy a few days before his death, or by `
` some accident might hurt a limb; but that nature, who works all `
` things to perfection, should suffer any pains to breed in our `
` bodies, he thought impossible, and desired to know the reason of so `
` unaccountable an evil." `
` `
` I told him "we fed on a thousand things which operated contrary to `
` each other; that we ate when we were not hungry, and drank without `
` the provocation of thirst; that we sat whole nights drinking strong `
` liquors, without eating a bit, which disposed us to sloth, inflamed `
` our bodies, and precipitated or prevented digestion; that `
` prostitute female Yahoos acquired a certain malady, which bred `
` rottenness in the bones of those who fell into their embraces; that `
` this, and many other diseases, were propagated from father to son; `
` so that great numbers came into the world with complicated maladies `
` upon them; that it would be endless to give him a catalogue of all `
` diseases incident to human bodies, for they would not be fewer than `
` five or six hundred, spread over every limb and joint--in short, `
` every part, external and intestine, having diseases appropriated to `
` itself. To remedy which, there was a sort of people bred up among `
` us in the profession, or pretence, of curing the sick. And because `
` I had some skill in the faculty, I would, in gratitude to his `
` honour, let him know the whole mystery and method by which they `
` proceed. `
` `
` "Their fundamental is, that all diseases arise from repletion; `
` whence they conclude, that a great evacuation of the body is `
` necessary, either through the natural passage or upwards at the `
` mouth. Their next business is from herbs, minerals, gums, oils, `
` shells, salts, juices, sea-weed, excrements, barks of trees, `
` serpents, toads, frogs, spiders, dead men's flesh and bones, birds, `
` beasts, and fishes, to form a composition, for smell and taste, the `
` most abominable, nauseous, and detestable, they can possibly `
` contrive, which the stomach immediately rejects with loathing, and `
` this they call a vomit; or else, from the same store-house, with `
` some other poisonous additions, they command us to take in at the `
` orifice above or below (just as the physician then happens to be `
` disposed) a medicine equally annoying and disgustful to the bowels; `
` which, relaxing the belly, drives down all before it; and this they `
` call a purge, or a clyster. For nature (as the physicians allege) `
` having intended the superior anterior orifice only for the `
` intromission of solids and liquids, and the inferior posterior for `
` ejection, these artists ingeniously considering that in all `
` diseases nature is forced out of her seat, therefore, to replace `
` her in it, the body must be treated in a manner directly contrary, `
` by interchanging the use of each orifice; forcing solids and `
` liquids in at the anus, and making evacuations at the mouth. `
` `
` "But, besides real diseases, we are subject to many that are only `
` imaginary, for which the physicians have invented imaginary cures; `
` these have their several names, and so have the drugs that are `
` proper for them; and with these our female Yahoos are always `
` infested. `
` `
` "One great excellency in this tribe, is their skill at prognostics, `
` wherein they seldom fail; their predictions in real diseases, when `
` they rise to any degree of malignity, generally portending death, `
` which is always in their power, when recovery is not: and `
` therefore, upon any unexpected signs of amendment, after they have `
` pronounced their sentence, rather than be accused as false `
` prophets, they know how to approve their sagacity to the world, by `
` a seasonable dose. `
` `
` "They are likewise of special use to husbands and wives who are `
` grown weary of their mates; to eldest sons, to great ministers of `
` state, and often to princes." `
` `
` I had formerly, upon occasion, discoursed with my master upon the `
` nature of government in general, and particularly of our own `
` excellent constitution, deservedly the wonder and envy of the whole `
` world. But having here accidentally mentioned a minister of state, `
` he commanded me, some time after, to inform him, "what species of `
`
` of precedents, they produce as authorities to justify the most `
` iniquitous opinions; and the judges never fail of directing `
` accordingly. `
` `
` "In pleading, they studiously avoid entering into the merits of the `
` cause; but are loud, violent, and tedious, in dwelling upon all `
` circumstances which are not to the purpose. For instance, in the `
` case already mentioned; they never desire to know what claim or `
` title my adversary has to my cow; but whether the said cow were red `
` or black; her horns long or short; whether the field I graze her in `
` be round or square; whether she was milked at home or abroad; what `
` diseases she is subject to, and the like; after which they consult `
` precedents, adjourn the cause from time to time, and in ten, `
` twenty, or thirty years, come to an issue. `
` `
` "It is likewise to be observed, that this society has a peculiar `
` cant and jargon of their own, that no other mortal can understand, `
` and wherein all their laws are written, which they take special `
` care to multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very `
` essence of truth and falsehood, of right and wrong; so that it will `
` take thirty years to decide, whether the field left me by my `
` ancestors for six generations belongs to me, or to a stranger three `
` hundred miles off. `
` `
` "In the trial of persons accused for crimes against the state, the `
` method is much more short and commendable: the judge first sends `
` to sound the disposition of those in power, after which he can `
` easily hang or save a criminal, strictly preserving all due forms `
` of law." `
` `
` Here my master interposing, said, "it was a pity, that creatures `
` endowed with such prodigious abilities of mind, as these lawyers, `
` by the description I gave of them, must certainly be, were not `
` rather encouraged to be instructors of others in wisdom and `
` knowledge." In answer to which I assured his honour, "that in all `
` points out of their own trade, they were usually the most ignorant `
` and stupid generation among us, the most despicable in common `
` conversation, avowed enemies to all knowledge and learning, and `
` equally disposed to pervert the general reason of mankind in every `
` other subject of discourse as in that of their own profession." `
` `
` `
` `
` CHAPTER VI. `
` `
` `
` `
` [A continuation of the state of England under Queen Anne. The `
` character of a first minister of state in European courts.] `
` `
` My master was yet wholly at a loss to understand what motives could `
` incite this race of lawyers to perplex, disquiet, and weary `
` themselves, and engage in a confederacy of injustice, merely for `
` the sake of injuring their fellow-animals; neither could he `
` comprehend what I meant in saying, they did it for hire. Whereupon `
` I was at much pains to describe to him the use of money, the `
` materials it was made of, and the value of the metals; "that when a `
` Yahoo had got a great store of this precious substance, he was able `
` to purchase whatever he had a mind to; the finest clothing, the `
` noblest houses, great tracts of land, the most costly meats and `
` drinks, and have his choice of the most beautiful females. `
` Therefore since money alone was able to perform all these feats, `
` our Yahoos thought they could never have enough of it to spend, or `
` to save, as they found themselves inclined, from their natural bent `
` either to profusion or avarice; that the rich man enjoyed the fruit `
` of the poor man's labour, and the latter were a thousand to one in `
` proportion to the former; that the bulk of our people were forced `
` to live miserably, by labouring every day for small wages, to make `
` a few live plentifully." `
` `
` I enlarged myself much on these, and many other particulars to the `
` same purpose; but his honour was still to seek; for he went upon a `
` supposition, that all animals had a title to their share in the `
` productions of the earth, and especially those who presided over `
` the rest. Therefore he desired I would let him know, "what these `
` costly meats were, and how any of us happened to want them?" `
` Whereupon I enumerated as many sorts as came into my head, with the `
` various methods of dressing them, which could not be done without `
` sending vessels by sea to every part of the world, as well for `
` liquors to drink as for sauces and innumerable other conveniences. `
` I assured him "that this whole globe of earth must be at least `
` three times gone round before one of our better female Yahoos could `
` get her breakfast, or a cup to put it in." He said "that must `
` needs be a miserable country which cannot furnish food for its own `
` inhabitants. But what he chiefly wondered at was, how such vast `
` tracts of ground as I described should be wholly without fresh `
` water, and the people put to the necessity of sending over the sea `
` for drink." I replied "that England (the dear place of my `
` nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food `
` more than its inhabitants are able to consume, as well as liquors `
` extracted from grain, or pressed out of the fruit of certain trees, `
` which made excellent drink, and the same proportion in every other `
` convenience of life. But, in order to feed the luxury and `
` intemperance of the males, and the vanity of the females, we sent `
` away the greatest part of our necessary things to other countries, `
` whence, in return, we brought the materials of diseases, folly, and `
` vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of necessity, `
` that vast numbers of our people are compelled to seek their `
` livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, pimping, `
` flattering, suborning, forswearing, forging, gaming, lying, `
` fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, star-gazing, poisoning, `
` whoring, canting, libelling, freethinking, and the like `
` occupations:" every one of which terms I was at much pains to make `
` him understand. `
` `
` "That wine was not imported among us from foreign countries to `
` supply the want of water or other drinks, but because it was a sort `
` of liquid which made us merry by putting us out of our senses, `
` diverted all melancholy thoughts, begat wild extravagant `
` imaginations in the brain, raised our hopes and banished our fears, `
` suspended every office of reason for a time, and deprived us of the `
` use of our limbs, till we fell into a profound sleep; although it `
` must be confessed, that we always awaked sick and dispirited; and `
` that the use of this liquor filled us with diseases which made our `
` lives uncomfortable and short. `
` `
` "But beside all this, the bulk of our people supported themselves `
` by furnishing the necessities or conveniences of life to the rich `
` and to each other. For instance, when I am at home, and dressed as `
` I ought to be, I carry on my body the workmanship of a hundred `
` tradesmen; the building and furniture of my house employ as many `
` more, and five times the number to adorn my wife." `
` `
` I was going on to tell him of another sort of people, who get their `
` livelihood by attending the sick, having, upon some occasions, `
` informed his honour that many of my crew had died of diseases. But `
` here it was with the utmost difficulty that I brought him to `
` apprehend what I meant. "He could easily conceive, that a `
` Houyhnhnm, grew weak and heavy a few days before his death, or by `
` some accident might hurt a limb; but that nature, who works all `
` things to perfection, should suffer any pains to breed in our `
` bodies, he thought impossible, and desired to know the reason of so `
` unaccountable an evil." `
` `
` I told him "we fed on a thousand things which operated contrary to `
` each other; that we ate when we were not hungry, and drank without `
` the provocation of thirst; that we sat whole nights drinking strong `
` liquors, without eating a bit, which disposed us to sloth, inflamed `
` our bodies, and precipitated or prevented digestion; that `
` prostitute female Yahoos acquired a certain malady, which bred `
` rottenness in the bones of those who fell into their embraces; that `
` this, and many other diseases, were propagated from father to son; `
` so that great numbers came into the world with complicated maladies `
` upon them; that it would be endless to give him a catalogue of all `
` diseases incident to human bodies, for they would not be fewer than `
` five or six hundred, spread over every limb and joint--in short, `
` every part, external and intestine, having diseases appropriated to `
` itself. To remedy which, there was a sort of people bred up among `
` us in the profession, or pretence, of curing the sick. And because `
` I had some skill in the faculty, I would, in gratitude to his `
` honour, let him know the whole mystery and method by which they `
` proceed. `
` `
` "Their fundamental is, that all diseases arise from repletion; `
` whence they conclude, that a great evacuation of the body is `
` necessary, either through the natural passage or upwards at the `
` mouth. Their next business is from herbs, minerals, gums, oils, `
` shells, salts, juices, sea-weed, excrements, barks of trees, `
` serpents, toads, frogs, spiders, dead men's flesh and bones, birds, `
` beasts, and fishes, to form a composition, for smell and taste, the `
` most abominable, nauseous, and detestable, they can possibly `
` contrive, which the stomach immediately rejects with loathing, and `
` this they call a vomit; or else, from the same store-house, with `
` some other poisonous additions, they command us to take in at the `
` orifice above or below (just as the physician then happens to be `
` disposed) a medicine equally annoying and disgustful to the bowels; `
` which, relaxing the belly, drives down all before it; and this they `
` call a purge, or a clyster. For nature (as the physicians allege) `
` having intended the superior anterior orifice only for the `
` intromission of solids and liquids, and the inferior posterior for `
` ejection, these artists ingeniously considering that in all `
` diseases nature is forced out of her seat, therefore, to replace `
` her in it, the body must be treated in a manner directly contrary, `
` by interchanging the use of each orifice; forcing solids and `
` liquids in at the anus, and making evacuations at the mouth. `
` `
` "But, besides real diseases, we are subject to many that are only `
` imaginary, for which the physicians have invented imaginary cures; `
` these have their several names, and so have the drugs that are `
` proper for them; and with these our female Yahoos are always `
` infested. `
` `
` "One great excellency in this tribe, is their skill at prognostics, `
` wherein they seldom fail; their predictions in real diseases, when `
` they rise to any degree of malignity, generally portending death, `
` which is always in their power, when recovery is not: and `
` therefore, upon any unexpected signs of amendment, after they have `
` pronounced their sentence, rather than be accused as false `
` prophets, they know how to approve their sagacity to the world, by `
` a seasonable dose. `
` `
` "They are likewise of special use to husbands and wives who are `
` grown weary of their mates; to eldest sons, to great ministers of `
` state, and often to princes." `
` `
` I had formerly, upon occasion, discoursed with my master upon the `
` nature of government in general, and particularly of our own `
` excellent constitution, deservedly the wonder and envy of the whole `
` world. But having here accidentally mentioned a minister of state, `
` he commanded me, some time after, to inform him, "what species of `
`