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1599 `
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MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING `
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by William Shakespeare `
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Dramatis Personae `
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Don Pedro, Prince of Arragon. `
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Don John, his bastard brother. `
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Claudio, a young lord of Florence. `
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Benedick, a Young lord of Padua. `
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Leonato, Governor of Messina. `
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Antonio, an old man, his brother. `
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Balthasar, attendant on Don Pedro. `
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Borachio, follower of Don John. `
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Conrade, follower of Don John. `
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Friar Francis. `
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Dogberry, a Constable. `
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Verges, a Headborough. `
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A Sexton. `
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A Boy. `
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Hero, daughter to Leonato. `
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Beatrice, niece to Leonato. `
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Margaret, waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero. `
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Ursula, waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero. `
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Messengers, Watch, Attendants, etc. `
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SCENE.--Messina. `
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ACT I. Scene I. `
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An orchard before Leonato's house. `
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Enter Leonato (Governor of Messina), Hero (his Daughter), `
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and Beatrice (his Niece), with a Messenger. `
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Leon. I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes `
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this `
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night to Messina. `
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Mess. He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off `
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when I `
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left him. `
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Leon. How many gentlemen have you lost in this action? `
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Mess. But few of any sort, and none of name. `
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Leon. A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home `
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full `
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numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed much honour `
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on `
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a young Florentine called Claudio. `
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Mess. Much deserv'd on his part, and equally rememb'red by Don `
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Pedro. He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, `
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doing `
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in the figure of a lamb the feats of a lion. He hath indeed `
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better bett'red expectation than you must expect of me to `
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tell `
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you how. `
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Leon. He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad `
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of it. `
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Mess. I have already delivered him letters, and there appears `
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much `
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joy in him; even so much that joy could not show itself `
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modest `
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enough without a badge of bitterness. `
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Leon. Did he break out into tears? `
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Mess. In great measure. `
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Leon. A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer `
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than `
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those that are so wash'd. How much better is it to weep at `
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joy `
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than to joy at weeping! `
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Beat. I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from the wars `
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or no? `
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Mess. I know none of that name, lady. There was none such in `
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the `
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army of any sort. `
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Leon. What is he that you ask for, niece? `
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Hero. My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua. `
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Mess. O, he's return'd, and as pleasant as ever he was. `
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Beat. He set up his bills here in Messina and challeng'd Cupid `
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at `
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the flight, and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge, `
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subscrib'd for Cupid and challeng'd him at the burbolt. I `
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pray `
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you, how many hath he kill'd and eaten in these wars? But how `
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many hath he kill'd? For indeed I promised to eat all of his `
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killing. `
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Leon. Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but `
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he'll `
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be meet with you, I doubt it not. `
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Mess. He hath done good service, lady, in these wars. `
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Beat. You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it. He is `
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a `
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very valiant trencherman; he hath an excellent stomach. `
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Mess. And a good soldier too, lady. `
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Beat. And a good soldier to a lady; but what is he to a lord? `
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Mess. A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuff'd with all `
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honourable `
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virtues. `
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Beat. It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuff'd man; but `
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for `
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the stuffing--well, we are all mortal. `
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Leon. You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of `
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merry `
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war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but `
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there's `
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a skirmish of wit between them. `
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Beat. Alas, he gets nothing by that! In our last conflict four `
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of `
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his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man `
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govern'd `
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with one; so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, `
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let `
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him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; `
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for `
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it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a `
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reasonable `
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creature. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new `
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sworn brother. `
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Mess. Is't possible? `
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Beat. Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the `
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fashion `
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of his hat; it ever changes with the next block. `
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Mess. I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books. `
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Beat. No. An he were, I would burn my study. But I pray you, `
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who is `
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his companion? Is there no young squarer now that will make a `
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voyage with him to the devil? `
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Mess. He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio. `
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Beat. O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease! He is `
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sooner `
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caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. `
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God `
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help the noble Claudio! If he have caught the Benedick, it `
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will `
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cost him a thousand pound ere 'a be cured. `
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Mess. I will hold friends with you, lady. `
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Beat. Do, good friend. `
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Leon. You will never run mad, niece. `
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Beat. No, not till a hot January. `
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Mess. Don Pedro is approach'd. `
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Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthasar, and John the `
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Bastard. `
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Pedro. Good Signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble? `
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The `
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fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it. `
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Leon. Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your `
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Grace; `
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for trouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you `
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depart `
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from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave. `
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Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is `
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your `
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daughter. `
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Leon. Her mother hath many times told me so. `
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Bene. Were you in doubt, sir, that you ask'd her? `
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Leon. Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child. `
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Pedro. You have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what `
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you `
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are, being a man. Truly the lady fathers herself. Be happy, `
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lady; `
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for you are like an honourable father. `
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Bene. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his `
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head `
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on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is. `
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Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior `
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Benedick. `
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Nobody marks you. `
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Bene. What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living? `
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Beat. Is it possible Disdain should die while she hath such `
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meet `
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food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must `
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convert `
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to disdain if you come in her presence. `
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Bene. Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved `
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of `
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all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my `
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heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none. `
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Beat. A dear happiness to women! They would else have been `
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troubled `
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with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am `
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of `
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your humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow `
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than a man swear he loves me. `
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Bene. God keep your ladyship still in that mind! So some `
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gentleman `
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or other shall scape a predestinate scratch'd face. `
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Beat. Scratching could not make it worse an 'twere such a face `
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as `
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yours were. `
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Bene. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher. `
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Beat. A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours. `
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